117 - 30.08.2012

An now the main question is: Is it my real resurrection or just a short break before next fall into darkness of pain? (OMG, how pathetic...)

116 - 29.08.2012

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.

115 - 28.08.2012

.
.
.

I'm dreaming the most beautiful dream of my life. I don't want to wake up...

114 - 27.08.2012

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113 - 26.08.2012

I can't relise myself today from 1 Cor 13... I hear it all the time in my head :( Why?! I want to be free from love!

112 - 25.08.2012

I can't spend all days in bed. I can't thing over and over again about what could have happend but it haven't and about all my mistakes in contacts with her. It wouldn't change anything. It's too late now. I screwed up everything what I only could.

I have to start live again... But how to make a first step?

111 - 24.08.2012

Why are interpersonal relationships so complicated?! I'm so tired of it...

110 - 23.08.2012

Yep.
I no longer have enough strenght to fight or have any hope... I can't do anything and I know it very well now. I can't change her convictions or feelings or remove her fears. My stupid love is not able to make any miracle and make her happy. But it's good that I have tried to hange something to for the last time. She has already chosen the shape of her life.... It's time to get over it. I must start to live again and forget about her.

But it hurts still so much!

109 - 22.08.2012

OK. It's time to give it up RIGHT NOW! It's too crazy even for me... >_>

108 - 21.08.2012

107 - 20.08.2012

I MUST stop being childish!!! I can't no longer delude myself. There is no hope. Nothing miraculous will ever happen. This is real life - real life sucks and is cruel. What's more, in real life love usually doesn't win. I have to know that my feeling hasn't any chance and I'm a COMPLETE IDIOT if  I even try to think something opposite!
The end.

***

Damn! I haven't any right to love her!!! I hate myself for it....

106 - 19.08.2012

105 - 18.08.2012

I feel so helpless... I can't change anything, I can't do anything... Why world is so f*cked up?!...


And those another impossible coincidence... It's so weird... I know that there is no such a thing like connection between people, but...but... but... I'm SO STUPID!!!

104 - 17.08.2012

Happy f*ckin' Birthay to me! I survived another f*ckin' year... I don't know if I want get know what brings next one...

And now let's ride on the rollercoaster...

Anywhere, anywhere out of the world...

103 - 16.08.2012

F*CK!!! It's happening again! Why does it  always work the same?! When I'm starting shyly suppose that life isn't SO bad in every aspect, something R E A L L Y  A W F U L immediately M U S T happen to show me that life is even 100 times worse that I thought last morning...

102 - 15.08.2012

If I don't reconcile myself with the loneliness and don't forget about love, something terrible will happen soon... I'm so tired of  everything... Why I'm not able to do the work the sense of my life?!?

101 - 14.08.2012

Please, let me out of myself! I don't want to be me. I don't want to suffer anymore, to feel, to be not able to exist alone! Why there are so many people who can just live and don't care about things I do? Maybe I'm so misfit to the reality that I souldn't live anymore?

100 - 13.08.2012

100. Just a number...

99 - 12.08.2012

98 - 11.08.2012

97 - 10.08.2012

Terribly tired, dirty and still not fully here but stronger and quite happy, I think :)

96 - 09.08.2012

Before the another trip ;)

95 - 08.08.2012

94 - 07.08.2012

Why I can't escape from my problems even on holidays? There can be always something what will remember me about my hopeless situation.

93 - 06.08.2012

92 - 05.08.2012

It's time for a another journey :)

91 - 04.08.2012

I can travel, write, crochet, pretend that I care about everyday problems more as I really do... I'm doing a million things to forget everyday. But I can't control my dreams! Why do they come back over and over again since I met her in March?! And why are they always so ridiculously beautiful?! I would like to never wake up from them...But I do. Always do. And then all my pain comes back again. Will I ever be free from this insane love?!?!?!

90 - 03.08.2012

Just live... Hold on and live...

89 - 02.08.2012

88 - 01.08.2012

Gosh, how I don't like having short hair. It's not me, definitely not me! :'(

87 - 31.07.2012

I would like to be on the road again...