208 - 29.11.2012

207 - 28.11.2012

And again, when I feel a bit better something happens, bringing back all my pain . This time it's a touching poem...

PANIE
który zsyłasz ludziom ludzi za późno
który zsyłasz ludziom ludzi za wcześnie
który każesz tym, co się szukali wzajemnie w gorączce

 od Nowego Jorku po Melbourne, minąć się na rogu Stawowej i 3 Maja
który każesz myśleć ludziom o ludziach, a oni woleliby
 dotknąć palcem jego ręki lub jej brzucha
który sporządzać każesz łzom trasę tego, czego nie przeżyliśmy,
 a oczom dajesz na starość łaskawe bielmo
który przeznaczyłeś jednego męża jednej żonie
 i jedną żonę jednemu mężowi
spraw, by ci co przyszli za późno i ci co przyszli za wcześnie
 spotkali się z tymi, których szukali
 i dotykali nawzajem swoich piersi i rąk
 z radością
 i by nie mieli żałować tego, czego nie przeżyli
 bo przeżyli ze sobą wszystko, co prawo uświęca
 i czego prawo nie uświęca
i daj, by to wszystko spotkało ich
przy moim stole.
Otwórz drzwi moje i moich przyjaciół.

(Tadeusz Sławek)

 

206 - 27.11.2012

205 - 26.11.2012

204 - 25.11.2012

203 - 24.11.2012

I would like to can go somewhere out of here now... feel the wind and the sun on my face, be able to take a deep breath of the clear air... And maybe feel a human touch... Dreams... Thankfully music is still here. It gives a little hope...

202 - 23.11.2012

201 - 22.11.2012

I realized that I'm my only enemy; and the hardest and greatest battle I have to fight is with my weakness and fears.

200 - 21.11.2012

 200.....

199 - 20.11.2012

No, Tuesdays are not the easiest or my favourite days at all (and I'm still counting... it's 13th week...).

But, at least, I have found one a really good reason to not give up and be strong, no matter how hard it is :)

198 - 19.11.2012

So, let's start good, old manthra again: don't give up, be strong, don't give up, be strong, don't give up, be strong... I'm not quite sure what for, but don't give up and be strong....



(Gosh, I need a hug....)

197 - 18.11.2012

F**k! I did it again - terribly panic, fear, deep feeling that I can't do it and giving up just before a finish. I hate myself for that!!!!!

196 - 17.11.2012

A-Day-B4-Deadline-Madness T__T Why does always look the same?!

195 - 16.11.2012

I feel stronger every day... I love, I miss but I started to feel some strong power inside of me...

194 - 15.11.2012

It's so strangely comforting to have a conversation with somebody who feels not to fit into this world the same as I....

193 - 14.11.2012

192 - 13.11.2012

It's a wonderful moment when you are able to find somehow a strength  and then go beyond your weaknesses, sadness and fears,especially when, a short while ago, you were on the way into the great darkness again...But the question is: for how long this time?...

191 - 12.11.2012

190 - 11.11.2012

189 - 10.11.2012

 Silly, sentimental, romantic, idealistic me......

188 - 09.11.2012

....nothing more to add...

187 - 08.11.1012

I'm working, praying and trying to hold on and not give up :) ....but I would lie if I tell it's easy....

186 - 07.11.2012

185 - 06.11.2012

184 - 05.11.2012

It's sometimes good to listen to your heart not a rationality :)

183 - 04.11.2012

OK. Dear World/God/fate/whatever, let's make a deal - I'll do what I see in my dreams and what I feel deeply inside of me, even if doesn't look like a best idea ever. But no more strange dreams, please... And less pain, good? I HAVE TO concentrate more on my work now! >.>

182 - 03.11.2012

181 - 02.11.2012

It's so unfair!!! Terrible day of pain, crying, longing... and then, finally, I was able to forget about it all for several hours and just find pure joy in my work. But not for long. There must be always something what will remind me about her!

Why being strong is so hard?!?! :(

180 - 1.11.2012

Walking and searching a bit of Light and warmth somewhere between millions of cemetery candles....