179 - 31.10.2012

I hate this time – day is shorter and shorter, nature falls asleep... everything looks as if it dying forever... And now THIS yet: the official end of my fellow group. I was naive thinking that it can never happen! Oh my God! I'm so afraid of loneliness!!!

And I feel as if the only thing which is not passing in my life is my longing to her! :(((

But tommorow will be the another day. Maybe a better one...even only a bit?

178 - 30.10.2012

177 - 29.10.2012

Too much, too fast, too busy, too cold, too dark....too... No! Stop! I'm still here. I won't forget what's really important. I don't let go myself crazy :)

176 - 28.10.2012

Two months?! It feels like ages since then....or just a one day.....I'm not sure.....

175 - 27.10.2012

Winter is coming.... Something ends, something doesn't want end..... But (wow !), I'm still breathing even if it's sometimes so unbelievably hard!

174 - 26.10.2012

173 - 25.10.2012

It's a very good feeling - being myself even if it's so hard and unpopular :-)

The main question of today: why, when everything is quite fine, nothing is really fine because of my loneliness?....

172 - 24.10.2012

I understood sth very important today after yesterday's experiences. I don't want to stop loving! I think that it's even impossible. Love always stays somewhere deeply inside of heart (I don't understand how it can turn into hate?...). My purpose is not killing my feelings but to getting over with the situation, stop to disagreeing and fighting with the things I can't change... Only then I will be able to live a real life!

171 - 23.10.2012

I'm less and less sure that coincidences exist :-/ Another strange, unbelievable lesson... What will be next? Am I getting stronger?

170 - 22.10.2012

Too much work, too much obligations, too much fear of future, too much pain, too much loneliness! I must be strong..... And I will!

169 - 21.10.2012

168 - 20.10.2012

167 - 19.10.2012

Does loving God could write a scenario like this?.......

166 - 18.10.2012

165 - 17.10.1012

Oh, my Love, are we just the puppets?

164 - 16.10.2012

163 - 15.10.2012

It was so weird day! At first I got back my self-confidence and got so many positive energy! Pure happiness. And then this cruel coincidence. No, it even not hurt but... I think I lost hope when I saw how small, helpless and weak I am. Something is slowly dying inside of me...

162 - 14.10.2012

161 - 13.10.2012

160 - 12.10.2012

I must accept that I'm not perfect, I can sometimes lose. But I must be strong and work on myself and try to be better next time! :)

159 - 11.10.2012

158 - 10.10.2012

It's unfair!!! Why, when everything gets a bit better, something must happend and break me down again?!?Why everything must be so coplicated?!? Now I have to get up again...and then again...and again... How many times  I will be able to do it yet?

157 - 09.10.2012

I'm much stronger than I thought... And I'm somehow able to live. But I still need more strenght. And a solace... I don't care how, just please God, take this yearning from me. I'm so tired of it.

156 - 08.10.2012

155 - 07.10.2012

154 - 06.10.2012

153 - 05.10.2012

I can do finally what I was dreaming about and it looks I really like it, I have a great hobby and what's most important there are some really wonderful people around me... But why human can't be happy in all life's spheres at the same time?

152 - 04.10.2012

151 - 03.10.2012

150 - 02.10.2012

149 - 01.10.2012

148 - 30.09.2012