240 - 31.12.2012

I'm happy that this year is ending... but I can't believe that next one will bring something good...

239 - 30.12.2012

238 - 29.12.2012

237 - 28.12.2012

4 months... This is life and miracles don't exist. So why I found a little hope inside of me today?! I'm so stupid! What I'm waiting for?!

236 - 27.12.2012

235 - 26.12.2012

Is love the most important thing?... I would like to forget that love exist. Just stop feel anything right now , stop suffer!

234 - 25.12.2012

233 - 24.12.2012

I don't like Christmas. Loneliness is much more worse at this time.
And the end of the year is so near so all bad memories are coming back to me now.

232 - 23.12.2012

And again - one word brings all suffer back to me... when will it stop?!

230-231 - 21-22.12.2012

Blackout X_X

229 - 20.12.2012

...and remember - when you are sure that it can't be worse, life will show you that it can... where is the Apocalypse?!... I'm waiting!

228 - 19.12.2012

227 - 18.12.2012

226 - 17.12.2012

I know that losing hope is good in this case. But what other will stay in me now?...

225 - 16.12.2012

To sleep away all my f@#kin' life? Why not?

224 - 15.12.2012

223 - 14.12.2012

222 - 13.12.2012

Thankfully, there is an Apocalypse next Friday :-)

221 - 12.12.2012

220 - 11.12.2012

219 - 10.12.2012

218 - 09.12.2012

217 - 08.12.2012

I hate myself for being so weak, emotional and helpless!

216 - 07.12.2012

When I will stop miss her so much?! Will I be ever able to love somebody else? Will I find somebody who will love me?...

215 - 06.12.2012

It isn't the easy fight....

214 - 05.12.2012

TIRED. go-to-sleep. NOW T_T

213 - 04.12.2012

212 - 03.12.2012

211 - 02.12.2012

Too much work, too many worries, too much loneliness. Be strong and don't give up, be strong, etc.

210 - 01.12.2012

I don't want winter... I don't want to freeze...

209 - 30.11.2012

208 - 29.11.2012

207 - 28.11.2012

And again, when I feel a bit better something happens, bringing back all my pain . This time it's a touching poem...

PANIE
który zsyłasz ludziom ludzi za późno
który zsyłasz ludziom ludzi za wcześnie
który każesz tym, co się szukali wzajemnie w gorączce

 od Nowego Jorku po Melbourne, minąć się na rogu Stawowej i 3 Maja
który każesz myśleć ludziom o ludziach, a oni woleliby
 dotknąć palcem jego ręki lub jej brzucha
który sporządzać każesz łzom trasę tego, czego nie przeżyliśmy,
 a oczom dajesz na starość łaskawe bielmo
który przeznaczyłeś jednego męża jednej żonie
 i jedną żonę jednemu mężowi
spraw, by ci co przyszli za późno i ci co przyszli za wcześnie
 spotkali się z tymi, których szukali
 i dotykali nawzajem swoich piersi i rąk
 z radością
 i by nie mieli żałować tego, czego nie przeżyli
 bo przeżyli ze sobą wszystko, co prawo uświęca
 i czego prawo nie uświęca
i daj, by to wszystko spotkało ich
przy moim stole.
Otwórz drzwi moje i moich przyjaciół.

(Tadeusz Sławek)

 

206 - 27.11.2012

205 - 26.11.2012

204 - 25.11.2012

203 - 24.11.2012

I would like to can go somewhere out of here now... feel the wind and the sun on my face, be able to take a deep breath of the clear air... And maybe feel a human touch... Dreams... Thankfully music is still here. It gives a little hope...

202 - 23.11.2012

201 - 22.11.2012

I realized that I'm my only enemy; and the hardest and greatest battle I have to fight is with my weakness and fears.

200 - 21.11.2012

 200.....

199 - 20.11.2012

No, Tuesdays are not the easiest or my favourite days at all (and I'm still counting... it's 13th week...).

But, at least, I have found one a really good reason to not give up and be strong, no matter how hard it is :)

198 - 19.11.2012

So, let's start good, old manthra again: don't give up, be strong, don't give up, be strong, don't give up, be strong... I'm not quite sure what for, but don't give up and be strong....



(Gosh, I need a hug....)

197 - 18.11.2012

F**k! I did it again - terribly panic, fear, deep feeling that I can't do it and giving up just before a finish. I hate myself for that!!!!!

196 - 17.11.2012

A-Day-B4-Deadline-Madness T__T Why does always look the same?!

195 - 16.11.2012

I feel stronger every day... I love, I miss but I started to feel some strong power inside of me...

194 - 15.11.2012

It's so strangely comforting to have a conversation with somebody who feels not to fit into this world the same as I....

193 - 14.11.2012

192 - 13.11.2012

It's a wonderful moment when you are able to find somehow a strength  and then go beyond your weaknesses, sadness and fears,especially when, a short while ago, you were on the way into the great darkness again...But the question is: for how long this time?...

191 - 12.11.2012

190 - 11.11.2012